TITLE: Come Tomorrow

AUTHOR: Lex

EMAIL: lex@bitchenvy.com

RATING: NC-17

CONTENT: Buffy/Angel smut, angst. Look surprised.

TIME FRAME: Set late Season Three. Pretend everything after "Amends" never happened. So, no eighteenth birthday hell, no Wesley, no Faith working for the Mayor, no impending Ascension, etc. Also, Cordelia has forgiven Xander for screwing around with Willow. Don't ask why, just accept.

SYNOPSIS: Angel knows he has to leave Sunnydale, but he spends one last night in the arms of his beloved.

DISCLAIMER: <sniff> <sob> Buffy and Angel do not belong to me. But they should. I love them more than Joss does. The song "Save Tonight" also does not belong to me, unless I've suddenly turned into Eagle-Eye Cherry.

DEDICATED: To seneca, for *always* going above and beyond the call; to Tink, my sister in GWA; and to all my fellow B/A shippers, because we need all the help we can get.

NOTES: This is what happens to me when I listen to Top 40 radio stations. I hear songs and then have the absurd need to write fic with the lyrics. I'm announcing a tissue warning for the end -- it got me, and I wrote the damn thing.

==================================================

===Go on and close the curtains
'cause all we need is candlelight
You and me and the bottle of wine
and hold you tonight===

For the first time in his life, he didn't want to see her.

He didn't know if he could bear to look at her for the last time, *knowing* it was the last time, and then leave her forever. He stared at the door before him, the entrance to the mansion on Crawford Street. She was inside; he could smell her distinctive scent, hear her heart pound. She was waiting for him, waiting for him to break that heart once more.

And God damn him, he was going to do it.

===Well, we know I'm going away
And how I wish, I wish it weren't so
so take this wine and drink with me
let's delay our misery...===

Angel walked into the room, a fake smile plastered on his face. Buffy was sitting on the couch, staring listlessly into the fire.

"Hi," he said softly, coming up behind, covering her small shoulders with his big hands. "What's going on?"

"Just sitting here. Thinking. Crying. Generally feeling sorry for myself."

"Buffy, I -- "

"Are we going to do the touching parting scene now? Because I don't think I'm up for it." Her voice broke as she buried her head in her hands, tears falling freely from her eyes.

Walking around the couch, he knelt in front of her, pulling her hands away from her face. "Hey," he whispered, "Talk to me."

She lifted her head, and the misery in her eyes shattered his heart a little bit more. "Talk about what? You've made up your mind."

"I have to go, Buffy. I can't stay here."

//Yes, you can,// her heart screamed, //You are choosing to leave me.//

She remained silent, and Angel hurried to justify himself. "I can't stay here after what I did."

"After what *he* did."

"We're the same."

"No." Buffy shook her head. "You are not the same. I knew you both. Trust me on this one."

"How can you say that after what I -- what *he* -- did to you?"

"Everything he did to me I let him do," she said tiredly, "I made no move to stop him. If you want to blame someone for what Angelus did, blame me."

He jerked back from her, horrified. "Don't ever say that! None of that was your fault!"

"It wasn't your fault either, Angel. We didn't know what would happen. We didn't know." The tears started again, spilling down her cheeks.

"We didn't know, but it happened anyway." He looked away from her for a moment, the memories of the night he lost his soul causing his throat to tighten.

"It can't happen again! Whistler confirmed it!"

"It doesn't erase what I've done. I cannot possibly make amends for that."

She jumped off of the couch, unable to control the nervous energy pouring off of her in waves. "You are making amends, every time you help me save the world. Every time you pull my ass out of the fire, you ask for forgiveness."

"I killed, Buffy. I killed a lot of people, and I did it all to hurt you. To see you cry. To know that you were thinking of me above all others."

She closed her eyes.

He continued. "Every single kill I made, I did with you in mind. My coup de grace was when I snapped Jenny's slim neck between my hands. These hands." He held them out, palms facing up. "I slaughtered innocents with these hands, ripped the hearts out of babies, tore children apart in front of their parents, all in your name."

Buffy opened her eyes and looked into his, clear hazel clashing with dark brown. "He was the king badass. Believe me, I remember. But that's not who you are now."

"He's inside of me. He *is* me, or at least part of me."

"But he's not all of you!" Her voice rose in desperation. "You are so much more than that."

"I'm still a monster, Buffy."

She was taken aback. "No." She shook her head, hotly denying it. "No, you're not."

"What do you think your Watcher sees when he looks at me?"

Her mouth tightened. "What does Giles have to do with us?"

"Giles has everything to do with us. You hate it that every time he looks at you, he sees a whore who consorts with his lover's murderer."

"Angel!" she cried, unable to believe that he had put it so bluntly.

But Angel was relentless. He hated himself a little more for hurting her, but it had to be done. "You need him, you need to be a unit, but you can't be that unit if I'm in the picture. Giles hates me, and with good reason. If he had been the one to kill you, I would have ripped him limb from limb. There would have been no place he could have gone to escape me. I would have tracked him into Hell itself for my revenge."

"He's trying to work through his issues. I know it's going to be hard, but surely we can --"

Slowly, very carefully, he spoke. "I killed his girlfriend. I stalked her, toyed with her, and snapped her neck, because I knew that it would hurt him, and in turn, hurt you. I took her dead body to his apartment and laid her in his bed, the most macabre present he will ever receive. And I enjoyed it. I enjoyed every moment, the setup, the kill, the discovery. When he called to tell you, I was hiding in the trees outside your living room, did you know that?"

Eyes wide, Buffy shook her head. "W-what do you mean?"

"After I left his apartment, I went over to your house to wait. Since it was all for you, I wanted to see how you would react to my gift. I saw you answer the phone, saw your smile fade, saw you fall to the floor and bury your head in your lap. I loved it. I loved every second of the agony you went through. I lived for the moments when I could cause you pain."

"Oh, God," she whispered, hands flying to cover her mouth, "Oh, God, Angel."

"Do you understand, Buffy? There can be no forgiveness for that. Ever."

She had no words for him.

"That's why I have to leave. It doesn't matter that I have my soul permanently now, I can't live here, knowing what I did, seeing the disgust cross the faces of the people I used to call friends. I can't be with you, knowing that some part of you will always be afraid of me. I would sooner cut off my own hand than hurt you again, and if I stay here, I will end up hurting you."

Violently, she shook her head. "I'm not afraid of you, Angel. You can tell me all the scary stories you want to tell me, but it's not going to change how I feel for you. Nothing he ever did could do that."

His rage roared to the surface as Angel snarled, "You forgive me for raping you, too?" He had to clench his fist tightly to keep from grabbing her and shaking some sense into her.

The blood drained from her face as she stared at him. She hadn't realized he remembered that. His memory was still spotty in places. "You didn't rape me."

Her mind drifted back to that night. It was after they had been possessed by the spirit of the teacher and her young lover in the high school. She had been patrolling in one of the cemeteries near his old apartment, and he had ambushed her. The possession had affected him more than he cared to admit, and his need for her was riding him roughly. In his haste, he had taken her in the middle of the cemetery, uncaring of who saw them. He had yanked up her skirt and pulled down his pants, and thrust into her. He had been wild with need for her, and a small part of her had felt the same way, as though her skin was too tight for her body, confining her, constricting her. After it was over, she had taken whatever scraps of dignity she still had left and walked away from him, head still held high.

"You didn't rape me," she repeated.

Angel snorted. "Him, me, it was the same body. The same body that forced you, violated you. You gave yourself to me the night of your birthday...and that was how I repayed you. By fucking you in the dirt."

Defiantly, Buffy stood up to him. "What if I wanted to be fucked? What if I stayed awake at night, aching for your touch? What if the only way I could have that was if I let a demon fuck me into the ground?"

It was his turn to be silent.

She continued. "Angelus was obsessed with me, true, but I was obsessed with him too. It works both ways, Angel, what we feel for each other. I refuse to feel guilt for needing you, however I could get you."

"No matter what, soul or no, I crave you like nothing else. More than blood. For all time. But it doesn't matter, Buffy. None of it matters but the whole inescapable truth. I have to leave."

She opened her mouth to argue, but saw the emptiness in his eyes and knew that he had made up his mind. It was no use arguing with him. It was over. Buffy clutched a hand to her chest, as though she could stop her heart from splintering apart in her breast. She whirled away from him, trying desperately to get herself together. Digging her nails into her palms, she took a deep breath. It was meant to calm her, but she didn't know if she'd ever be calm again.

===Save tonight
fight the break of dawn
Come tomorrow
Tomorrow I'll be gone===

He watched her back for long moments, watched her struggling for control.

"Angel, do me a favor before you...leave?" she asked quietly, turning to face him once more

"Anything." The response was instinctive, unthinking. He could refuse her nothing.

"Make love to me?"

If he had needed breath, he would have been out of luck. He was speechless. After what he had just told her, he was amazed that she still wanted him.

"Buffy, I -- "

Before he could finish the statement, she was before him, taking his large hands in her deceptively small ones. "Don't say no, Angel...I don't think I could bear it..."

He looked at her. "It's not a good idea." His jaw set as he refused to meet her gaze. One look at her eyes and he knew he'd be sunk.

She moved closer to him, lightly pressing against his tall form. "When I watch you walk out of my life, I want to do it with part of you still inside of me and your bite on my throat."

At her words, a primitive urge welled up in Angel, the need to brand his chosen mate with his mark, signalling to all others that she was taken. His fists clenched against the desire to sweep her up in his arms and take her far, far away from here, to where they could be together forever.

"Please, Angel," she whispered beseechingly, "I need you so much."

And as he had so many times in the past, he gave in to her.

Gave in to them.

===There's a log on the fire
and it burns like me for you
Tomorrow comes with one desire...
to take me away===

This last time she wanted him to be as close to her as possible, his weight pressing against her. She needed to feel safe, and he was the only one in the whole world that could make her feel that way.

The only one.

The words echoed through her mind, a death knell for her heart. Resolutely, she pushed the knowledge of her imminent heartbreak to the back of her mind, refusing to let it cloud what was about to happen between them.

Slowly, so slowly, he took her lips, kissing her gently, softly. There was no rushing, nothing but the languid slide of lips pressing together, tongues tangling wetly. They had all the time in the world. Angel held her face in his hands, her beautiful, precious face. He ran his fingers through her hair, memorizing the silky blonde strands, how they looked, how they smelled. Her arms wrapped around his neck as she pushed herself up into his embrace, trying desperately to nestle his rapidly hardening erection between her thighs.

"Shhh," he hushed her as she whimpered softly, her every nerve aching for him. "Go slow..."

Sucking in a huge breath, Buffy forced herself to slow, forced the frantic beating of her heart to quiet slightly, needing to draw this moment out, for there would never be another one.

Her sorrow was his own, and for long moments, he simply held her wrapped in his arms, cocooned in his love. Lightly, he dropped kisses across her face, covering the soft skin. She moaned slightly, dropping her head back, inviting his touch. His tongue snaked across her jaw, down her throat, tracing the throbbing pulse with the tip. He could feel her pulse race at his nearness, and he tamped down the demon's instinctive urge to take her immediately, with no preliminaries.

Instead, Angel backed away, and gently tugged off her shirt, tossing the soft cotton behind him to land on the couch. In the back of his mind, he realized the shirt was his, and he smiled. Then her fingers were unbuttoning his shirt, ridding them of that obstacle as well. The rest of their clothing eventually followed, and soon they were completely naked, clinging to each other in the center of the room, backlit by the roaring fire.

As it had in the past, the sight of her naked form tested his control, pushed him to the edge. He dropped to his knees before her, a man worshipping his goddess. Slowly, Angel kissed her chest, right above her heart. Buffy's breath sighed out of her, and she arched towards him. His mouth slid to the side, nibbling gently on the hard tip of her left breast, then he switched his attentions to her other one, licking and suckling from that nipple as well.

Buffy's head lolled back as the sensations overwhelmed her. It had been so very long, and his touch felt so very good...so very right. She entwined her fingers in his soft hair, and guided his head so that he could look into her eyes. Her eyes spoke to him in hushed silence, telling him all her secrets.

Suddenly, Angel surged to his feet and grabbed the blanket off of the couch, tossing it on the floor before lowering her willing body to lie on top of it. He followed her down, laying on his side against her. Buffy moaned briefly, trying to tug him on top of her, but he shook his head, whispering, "Let me look at you."

They were both lying on their sides, facing each other. Staring into her eyes, Angel drew her upper leg high, draping it over his hip, leaving her wide open for his touch. The position was so incredibly intimate, face to face, allowing them to read the all-consuming pleasure from each other. He whispered her name as he claimed her mouth again, lips slanting across hers possessively.

Buffy tightened her arms around him, drawing her beloved towards her fire, nestling as close as she could get to him without slipping inside his skin.

He kissed her for eons, burning the taste of her mouth, the sweetness of her tongue, the softness of her lips, into his memory for all time. She moaned into his ardent mouth, pressing her pebble-hard nipples into the unyielding wall of his chest.

She was his, and the knowledge, though bittersweet, sang in his mind and tore through his heart. Mine, he thought, as he broke from her lips, planting hot kisses along her jawbone, down her neck.

//Mine.//

His fingers trailed in her decadent moisture, wallowing in the lush wetness she produced so readily for him. Only for him.

//Mine.//

Angel gripped her rounded ass in his hand, tilting her up to receive him. His eyes met hers, and he knew. It was long past time.

//Mine.//

Without a second's hesitation, he entered her in one smooth, bold, conquering thrust, filling her up all the way to her soul. He watched her eyes go dark, her head arch, her breath catch in the back of her throat.

Buffy's eyes slid shut as she concentrated on the feelings flooding through her. He shook her.

"Look at me," he whispered.

Her eyes flew open, meeting his. He moved within her, and her first instinct, an almost primal reflex, was to shutter her gaze, but the look in his eyes wouldn't let her. There was need, and lust and passion all mixed there, in a jumble of emotion, but foremost was a love so pure that it left her heart aching. Tears clogged her throat once more as she tried to imprint that look in her mind, to hoard greedily for the rest of her life, because she knew, as certainly as she knew anything, that no one would ever look at her like that again.

He was her world.

And he was leaving her.

She had nothing left.

Angel saw the pain shadow her eyes, and his heart clenched in his chest. "Baby, don't. Stay here, stay with me now." He kissed her again lingeringly, and shifted inside her. The movement of his cock rasping over swollen tissue banished the agony for a moment, and she was returned to the frantic need of her body.

Her cry muffled against his lips, Buffy arched towards him, silently begging for more. He hitched her leg a little higher on his hip, and began a steady thrusting, delving deeply, then withdrawing until he was barely inside of her. Her body rocked with the force of his, and her free hand gripped a fistful of his hair, using it to keep him close to her mouth. Their lips melded, his tongue thrusting into her mouth, imitating what his cock was doing within her.

Abruptly, her mouth broke from his as she gasped for breath, the blood rushing through her body. She was on fire, her skin tingling, every nerve screaming for him, pleading for release. Buffy mewled his name, the whole while keeping her eyes locked with his. Her lover grinned wickedly, and slid his hand to where they were joined, to where her body was frantically gripping his. He touched her clit, rubbing the erect scrap of flesh with the tip of his finger. She gasped loudly, clenching tightly around him, and that sweet milking pressure sent him dangerously close to the edge.

They hung there, together on the edge of orgasm, drawing out the moment. Buffy whimpered from the wild rush of pleasure, then she arched her head back, breaking eye contact for the first time since he had entered her, to bare her throat. The sight of that pale column, arteries throbbing with life, ended the rest of his control.

Angel growled and licked the flesh above her big pulse, sucking hard before tearing through it. Her blood burst into his mouth and the taste of her pleasure, of her love, sent him over the edge. His hips jerked, pushing him as far inside her as he could go, and he erupted, shaking from the force of his climax.

At the onset of his pleasure, Buffy's mind shut down; her world narrowing to consist only of her lover inside her and his fangs embedded in her throat, drawing the life out of her. It felt so good, she couldn't stand it...her body exploded around him, clenching him tightly. She cried out as she shuddered, her whole body quaking from the impact.

She huddled closely to him, moaning softly as he continued to feed from her. Her arousal peaked again from the suckling pressure, from the delicious suction. The sound of his mouth working her echoed in the cavernous room, swirling around them. She pressed her throat closer to his deadly teeth, begging him to take more of her. She needed to be with him always, and if he carried her blood within him, she would always be deep inside him, marking him indelibly.

Marking him the way he was even now marking her.

=====

Throughout the night he loved her, not allowing her a moment's respite. He took her in every way possible, her body flexing and trembling around him. She clung to him, refusing to allow him to leave her, keeping him held tightly within the clasp of her body. If he was inside of her, nothing could hurt them. As long as he was a part of her, nothing could touch them, nothing could break them apart.

Not fate, not injustice, not even themselves.

Her body was exhausted, but still she responded, caught up in him as he branded his possession of her into her flesh. But even a love such as theirs could not hold back the dawn, and eventually they both sensed the sun slipping towards the horizon. Without a word, he crawled from their makeshift bed, slowly gathering his clothes.

===It ain't easy to say goodbye
darling please don't start to cry
'cause girl you know I've got to go
and Lord I wish it wasn't so===

The screams were trapped in her throat, the screams and the pleas and the begging. As she looked at him, her soul shrieked in agony, pain howling through her. //Angel!// she sobbed silently, //Please don't leave me please don't go I can't live without you I don't want to live without you I'll die if you don't stay with me I tried to live without you and I lost my mind...// The hysteria built and built until it was all she could do to keep it from erupting from her throat. It wasn't fair to him, to beg him to stay when they both knew all too well that he had no choice but to leave. His duty was elsewhere and hers...hers was here, guarding the Hellmouth, keeping the world safe from evil.

The tiny, selfish part of her soul didn't care. It didn't care that she was the Chosen One, because all it wanted to do was take Angel's hand and follow him wherever he went. And as she saw the torment in his eyes, she knew that was what he wanted as well. But like it or not, she was the Slayer, and she had more than just herself to consider.

So Buffy drew the cold slowly encircling her heart around her like a cloak, insulating herself from the pain that was trying to overtake her. "You really should..." she said hoarsely, unable to finish the statement. She gestured towards the door.

"I really should..." he agreed, closing his eyes, absorbing every last second of her presence. //You can do this, Angel, you can walk out that door and never look back. It's for the best. What you want from her can never be. You both know it.// With the mental pep talk done, he opened his eyes, intending to flee as quickly as he could, so that he wouldn't break down in front of her.

The sight of her nearly reduced him to ashes.

He swallowed hard. She was standing in front of the fire, an old shirt of his covering her nudity. The fire lit her skin, making it appear even more golden than usual. Her lips were swollen from his kisses, and his mark showed clearly on her neck. If he were to touch her, he knew he would find his seed slick on her thighs. The final straw was the tears streaming down her face, silently reproaching him.

He closed his eyes again, futilely trying to block out the sight of her. It was pointless. If he were blind, he would still see her. She was embedded into his heart. That heart climbed into his throat as he whispered, "I have to leave." He felt the wetness start in his own eyes as he looked at her once more.

Numbly, she nodded, the tears continuing unchecked. "I know.

===Tomorrow comes to take me away
I wish that I, that I could stay
but girl you know I've got to go, oh
and Lord I wish it wasn't so===

They stood there for another second, each unable to make the final separation. Then Buffy lurched forward, flinging herself into Angel's already outstretched arms. She wrapped herself around him, and he buried his face in her neck, licking the brand he had left on her, marking her as his. It was deep, and it would scar, just as she had wanted. She needed that small link as much as he had needed to make it. And then she felt the cool flood of his tears moistening the old shirt she wore. She hugged him harder, unable to believe that she was in this much pain and still breathing.

Voice thick with unuttered sobs, she whispered, "I'm not going to ask you not to leave, because I know that you have to. I know it's for the best, but I just can't seem to bring myself to care at the moment."

"Buffy," he said against her flesh, "I -- "

" -- Shhhh. Let me finish. The first time I saw you, I knew you would change my life. And you did, because you became my world. My reason for getting up in the morning. My reason for going on..." She paused to hitch in a painful breath. "And now I have to let you go and I don't know if I have that kind of strength, to be able to go on without you." She broke off, momentarily unable to finish.

He pulled back a little so he could look into her eyes. Their faces were both wet from the flood of tears, and their eyes were identical pools of agony.

"Buffy," he continued, "Please...you need to try to have a life once I'm gone...a real life...the kind we could never have." It was important to him that she be happy, even though the thought of her with another man sent a knifing pain through his heart.

Suddenly, she smiled despite her sorrow. He was always trying to save her. "You're my once in a lifetime, Angel."

He shook his head. "That can't be true, there has to be someone out there for you to be with..."

"There is," she confirmed. "You."

When he opened his mouth to speak, she placed her right hand over to his lips. "Will you be looking for someone new?" She was momentarily gratified by the look of disgust on his face. "I didn't think so. It makes no difference where you are -- I belong to you and you belong to me, forever."

He leaned his forehead against hers, imprinting the feel of her on his flesh for all time. And then he allowed himself the final pleasure of taking her lips in a fierce kiss, letting all his anger, his rage, his sorrow, and his agony come to the surface. Buffy clung to him, unable to believe that this was it, that this was the end. She poured everything she had into that kiss, all the love and the lust and the tenderness and the anguish flooding him with the enormousness of what she felt for him.

She was the first to break it off, whispering, "I love you, Angel. I'll love you forever."

He smiled through his tears, the redemption her love offered warming his aching heart. They released each other, standing apart. With an outstretched hand, he cradled her cheek, rubbing his thumb on her tear-slick skin. "You're the best thing that ever happened to me, Buffy Summers. Always remember that. And know that no matter what, there is no man that could ever love you more."

Buffy's breath caught as her eyes filled up with more moisture. She didn't think that she had any more to cry, but she was wrong. She was so tired of crying, but deep down, she knew that this was only the beginning of the tears she would shed for him. Gathering up the last of her flagging resolve, she cocked her head towards the door. "I think you have an elsewhere to be."

He nodded, acknowledging his need to leave before the sun rose. With one last look, one last caress, Angel turned and walked out of the room.

And out of her life.

As she heard the front door of the mansion clang shut, Buffy let out the wail that had been trying to escape since the moment she had realized what he was going to do. She fell to her knees on the cold marble floor, and sobbed brokenly, her heart falling to pieces around her. She whimpered his name as her body slumped to the ground, shuddering violently, unable to control her reaction to the anguish ripping her apart.

She cried until she had no energy left to even breathe, and then she lay there, deathly still in front of the nearly burnt-out fire, and watched the dawn rise above the horizon.

It was a new day, a fresh start, a rebirth of hope.

But Buffy had no hope left.

THE END

<covering head with hands> Ow. Don't hit me! Owowowowowowowowow. Now I *know* you're thinking, "What has she DONE!?!", but I had to do it. I'm in major angst mode. The good news is, there's more where this came from. But I'm not saying another word about it.