TITLE: Revisionist History VIII -- When A Man Loves A Woman

AUTHOR: Lex

EMAIL: lex@bitchenvy.com

RATING: R

SPOILERS: "Helpless", or as it is also known, "Joss Wants Me To Up My Meds, Doesn't He?"

CONTENT: Angst, adult language, and a bit of implied violence at the end.

SYNOPSIS: Giles loves Buffy, but not *precisely* as Pompous Watcher Dude thinks.

DISCLAIMER: Buffy and Giles do not belong to me, because if they did, "Helpless" would have played a bit differently. Joss is god. A cruel god, but god nontheless.

NOTE: Witness me trying to avoid finishing the roughly dozen fics I have in various stages of completion. <WG> I bow down to ASH and SMG for their KICKASS portrayals this ep. I'm in awe.

For the first time in her life, Buffy found herself struck dumb. Fire Giles? They couldn't fire Giles, anymore than they could fire her. She was the Slayer and he was her Watcher and that was that.

With narrowed eyes, she watched Quentin, the little turd, turn towards her. "Oh, and Miss Summers...congratulations."

What a stupid, motherfucking prick. "Bite me."

Quentin winced slightly, and then walked out of the room to go wherever stupid, motherfucking prick Watchers go after they've ripped apart people's lives.

She looked at Giles. He was silently staring at her, eyes locked on the blood ooze from the gash on her head. She grimaced, then took the handkerchief in front of her, intending to dab gingerly at the wound. His hand stopped her. He took the white cloth from her, and knelt before her, tending to her cut.

She watched him, her heart breaking into a million pieces. How could he have done it? How could he have stood there and listened to her fear and lied to her face, knowing that he had done that to her? For long moments, neither of them spoke, Giles concentrating instead on her wounds.

Finally, he broke the silence.

"They'll be sending two new Watchers, one for you and one for Faith. They won't risk having you train together. They're afraid of the both of you. You are both loose cannons, as am I, which is why they needed to get me out of the picture as well. Three loose cannons together, holding back the tide of darkness from swallowing the world, does not comfort the Council."

"The Council can kiss my ass. And Faith's. And yours."

Unwillingly, Giles smiled. "It doesn't work quite that way. Besides, given recent events, it will be for the best. A Watcher and Slayer need to have a bond of trust...and it...it seems we no longer have that. So, a new Watcher will take my place, and train you...and..."

"And watch me get myself killed, without lifting a finger to help me." She was mad at him, true, mad, and hurt and afraid, but to contemplate life without him? It just wasn't conceivable.

He blanched. "You aren't going to die, Buffy. You're the best Slayer in the history of the word."

"I won't accept another Watcher. I'll fight alone."

"Damn it, you have to have a Watcher."

"I do. You."

"Not anymore."

"You're giving up?" Her tone was incredulous. "After all this, you're just giving up? You're letting that overinflated windbag WIN?"

"It's not a matter of giving up!"

"Then what the fuck is it?"

"Buffy, your language."

"You're not my father, Giles."

They both froze, Quentin's earlier words echoing in the room. "No, I'm not." His voice held an odd note. "But as your Watcher...er, your former Watcher, I..."

She looked over at him, seeing the defeat written across his face. It was killing her. But she had to know if Quentin was right. "Do you love me?" she whispered.

All the color drained from his face. She let out a soft cry and jerked away from him, intending to run away. He caught her arm, and with the tranqs still in her system, she was unable to pull away. She refused to turn to look at him.

"Let me go, Giles. I'm going to find Quentin, let him know that you don't love me, and that everything's hunky dory and that he can go the fuck home." She could feel herself becoming hysterical, irrational.

"I don't love you."

She nearly fell to her knees, the roaring in her head only superceded by the shredding pain in her heart.

"I worship you."

She whipped around.

"Love isn't a strong enough word to describe what I feel for you."

She stared.

"You're my reason for living, my reason for continuing on in this existance, my reason for being. I exist because you need me."

Her eyes filled up with tears.

"But now you no longer trust me and I want to die from it, die from the knowledge that I...I violated your trust, violated *you*..."

His gaze was fevered, the tears streaming down his face wetting his shirtfront. "They can't make me leave you. They can fire me, they can give you a new Watcher, but you'll always be mine and I'll always be here...protecting you." The harsh sobs were torn out of him, leaving his body trembling.

Buffy was frozen. She saw him before her, sobs racking his frame, but she couldn't move. Couldn't think past the agony ripping apart her chest. She could barely breathe as she stood there, unaware that her own face was drenched.

And then he whispered, "I'm sorry, my love. I'm sorry I couldn't be the man you needed..."

Her breath caught up in her breast, her heart ached, and she lurched forward, wrapping her arms around him. He stood there, unable to react to her softness enveloping him.

After a moment, she backed away. And gasped.

Giles had pure hell screaming out of his eyes. "Oh, Giles," she whispered, her face crumpling.

"You cannot forgive me. You cannot possibly forgive what I've done." He looked at the floor, then back up at her. "But I find that I crave it."

She reached out a shaking hand to touch his face. "I would forgive you anything."

He pulled away from her. "You can't! I hypnotized you, lied to you, INJECTED YOU WITH POISON! I don't deserve it."

Buffy walked closer to him and spoke to his back. "Once upon a time, a very wise man told me that forgiveness wasn't granted because a person deserved it, but because a person needed it."

"I didn't follow my own advice. I didn't forgive Angel."

"But you helped him when it came down to it.

"For you. I did it for you."

She swallowed hard. "I know." She put her hand on the rigid muscles of his back, then slid her arms around his waist, resting her head against him. After a moment, his hands clasped hers.

Buffy dropped a kiss on his spine. "I love you."

Tensing, he started to withdraw, but she held him secure, even without her supernatural strength. "You are the only person in my life that is constant, the only one that I know will be there no matter what happens. You're my North Star, and I'd be lost without you. You can't leave me. I can't do this, can't be who I need to be, without you. You're a part of me, and I might as well lay down and die if you walk away now."

She heard him catch his breath, then he turned around in her arms. Cradling her poor bruised face between his large hands, he said, "You will never cease to amaze me, Buffy Summers." He brushed his thumb over her bottom lip.

Tremulously, she smiled, for the first time feeling a ray of hope splitting through the horror. "It's you and me, Giles, forever and ever." And then she surprised the hell out of him by stepping up on tiptoe, wrapping her arms around his neck, and kissing the rest of the breath out of him.

Startled, he jerked back. "Wha--"

She shushed him. "You don't love me like a father, Giles. And I don't love you like a daughter. I think it's time we made our own path."

The smile spread across his face without warning, and still cupping her head, he bent and slid his lips across hers. "A new path, just for us."

She nodded her agreement, and started to speak, but her thought was cut off by his tongue gently tracing the seam of her lips.

A new path, indeed.

=====

The sound of the package hitting his desk caused Giles to jerk his head up. Buffy stood in front of him, fading bruises covering her face. It had been two days since that night in the library, two days of trying to work through all the heartache.

She nodded towards the package. "Open it."

He held the box in his hands. It was slightly bigger than a ring box, wrapped gaily in printed paper. It weighed next to nothing. He shook it. No rattle. "What is it?"

"A little something to cheer you up."

Insatiably curious as always, he ripped off the wrapping, uncovering a small box. Lifting the lid, he stared down at the contents. At first, he was unsure what the box held, but then his brain kicked into gear and he gasped, head shooting up.

She shrugged. "Problem solved. Quentin was the only Watcher in the group left alive after the Test. If he didn't say anything...I guess your word is going to have to be enough for the Council. I saved the day after Quentin fucked up, even with my strength taken from me. And you can bask in the glory of being my Watcher."

"You are truly unbelievable, you know that, don't you?" He couldn't hide the astonishment in his tone.

Buffy grinned. "Yep, I know. It's not easy being me, but someone has to do it." She leaned over his desk, over the box, and planted a swift kiss on his lips. "I'm off to class. We'll talk when I get back." With a wink, she was gone, a petite whirlwind blowing through his formerly well ordered life.

And looking down at the bloody tongue nestled in the box, he realized that he would have it no other way.

THE END