TITLE: Revisionist History IX -- Girl Talk

AUTHOR: Lex

EMAIL: lex@bitchenvy.com

RATING: R SPOILERS: "Zeppo"

SYNOPSIS: Buffy and Faith get together after the averting of the Apocalypse for a little chat.

CONTENT: Adult language

DISLAIMER: Not mine. Borrowing. Will return. Promise.

NOTES: Several of you emailed me with requests to further the Buffy/Angel plot (i.e., add smut). Sorry! Oddly enough, I liked this ep, so I'm just gonna add to it a little.

"Yo, B!"

Buffy jerked awake from a very deep and sound sleep with a smothered, "Whaaaa...?" Blearily, she blinked at the brunette sitting on the foot of her bed. Her room was dark and cozy, just the haven she needed after facing that beast that had erupted from the Hellmouth. "Faith," she mumbled, "Whaddya want? We just averted the end of the world, and I wanna sleep!" The whine in her tone rang through the room.

Faith shook the bed. "C'mon, I'm all wired and raring to go. Besides, I have something I wanna tell you."

"Can't you tell me in about five hours?"

"Nope. Now."

With a long suffering sigh, Buffy rolled onto her back and looked at her sister-in-arms. "What could have happened in the two hours that I've not seen you?"

"Actually, it happened before you saw me tonight."

Buffy waved her hand. "And...?"

"And I was fighting one of those dyke demons, and she was really kicking the shit out of me, when Xander appeared in that crappy car of his. He hit the bitch, then we jetted out of there."

Rolling her eyes, Buffy said again, "Annnnnndddddddd...?"

"And I took him back to my room, to get away from the demons."

"Aaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnnnddddddddddddddddd...?"

"And I boinked his brains out."

Buffy blinked. Then she sat up straight in bed and screeched, "WHAT?????"

"I deflowered Xander."

"*WHAT*?????"

"B, you having a hearing problem all of a sudden?"

Buffy was dumbstruck. "You. Had sex. With Xander? My Xander? Dork Xander? 'I look danger in the eye then run screaming from it' Xander?"

"Yep."

"Oh my GOD. That's MONUMENTAL. It's HUGE!"

"Not really." Faith shrugged, then held up her hand with the thumb and index finger held about an inch apart.

Wincing, Buffy said, "That was more than I ever needed to know about Xander, thank you."

"It's true. Not impressive. Not like Giles."

"I don't care how big Xander -- *waitaminute*, you've seen Giles' *thing*?"

"Uh-huh." She grinned.

"Faith, you tell me right this minute how you saw Giles naked?"

"You think he was all alone in Breaker's Wood at that 'druidic ruin'? A druidic ruin in *California*? Get real."

Scandalized, Buffy's mouth fell open. "YOU HAD SEX WITH GILES!?!"

"Well, you weren't doing your job and taking care of his needs, so someone had to do it!"

Buffy covered her eyes with her hands. "Ew. Ewwww. *Ew*. I don't even want to think about sex with Giles. How could you have sex with MY Watcher?" she demanded.

"You weren't doing him."

"So!?! Doesn't that break the Girl Code or something?"

"You're too busy not boinking Angel. Speaking of large..."

Buffy smiled wickedly, momentarily distracted from the Giles-bonking at the thought of Angel. And his part. "Ever see 'Boogie Nights'? Bigger."

"No WAY!"

"Way. He's huge. I thought it was going to come out my throat."

Faith sat stock-still for a moment, amazed at the thought of a penis that large. "Ow."

"Nah, I was more than ready for it."

"B, you slut!"

"Oh, *I'm* the slut? You have sex with Xander and GILES and I'm the slut?" Buffy grabbed a pillow and attacked her, smacking her about the head.

Squealing with laughter, Faith flung herself bodily onto Buffy, tackling the smaller girl back onto the bed. Buffy shook with the giggles, trying to gain some leverage to shake Faith loose, but the brunette hung on for all she was worth. After a few moments of wild wrestling, the two women laid there breathing heavily, smiles crossing their faces.

"If you could have seen your face when I told you about Giles! I think you want him for yourself!"

"Giles? No. Not a chance. He's, well, he's Giles. The UnBoinkable."

Faith turned her head so she could look at Buffy. "You keep telling yourself that, girlfriend."

"No, I'm serious...I just don't see him like that...I don't see any men like that..."

"Except for Deadboy."

Buffy's hand flung out and smacked Faith. "Don't call him that. Without him, we would have lost tonight."

"Yeah, he was handy...too bad he couldn't have just whipped out his horse cock and scared the demon away."

For a moment, Buffy stared, speechless. And then she threw her arms around Faith, and they laughed until they cried.

THE END