Title: Revisionist History V -- Truths Revealed

Author: Lex

E-mail: lex@bitchenvy.com

Synopsis: Post "Revelations". There were =many= loose ends left in this ep. This is an attempt to fix most of them.

Chapter One: Just Desserts
In which Faith gives Xander what he so very richly deserves

Chapter Two: Faith Restored
In which Faith and Buffy come to a realization

Chapter Three: Someone To Watch Over Me
In which Buffy and Giles also come to a realization

Chapter Four: Love You To Death
In which Buffy and Angel have yet another realization

Chapter Five: Just Desserts II
In which Buffy and Angel pay Xander back for his interference.

Rating: NC-17 overall

Disclaimer: Not mine. Borrowing. Will return. Cross my heart and hope to die.

Content: Varies by Chapter, but expect my usual combo of blood, torture, angst and sex.

Notes: This is dedicated to Joss, because without him, my life would be happy and carefree.

===Chapter One: Just Desserts===

It was after last period, and most of the denizens of Sunnydale High were heading home after a long, boring day of learning. Xander Harris was the only one left in the hallway, and even he was on his way home.

As Xander closed his locker, he could feel eyes boring through the back of his jacket. //It must be Buffy, only she gives me the wig like that.// He turned around, only to see that he had the wrong Slayer in mind. Faith stood before him, clad in an arresting combination of a tank top, jeans, and leather jacket. Her hair, bound by a rather ratty looking scrunchie, was swept up off her face.

Her very swollen face.

From the looks of it, Buffy had broken the younger girl's jaw. Xander winced.

"Uh, hi, Faith. How are you?"

She arched an eyebrow. "How do I look, Boy Wonder? B really did a number on my face. Guess that's the last time I try to mess with her man."

"She's very protective of her pet demon," Xander said snidely, a sarcastic grin crossing his face.

Faith idly tapped her foot. "I'd be protective of him too -- he looks like quite the hottie to me."

Xander frowned. "If you overlook the whole 'he's a psycho killer' thing, I guess."

"Jealous, Xander?" Faith questioned, stepping toward him.

He bristled. "Of Dead Boy? Not likely."

Faith cocked her head to one side. "That's not the picture I get."

"Really?"

"Yeah -- I kinda get the idea that you really hate his guts because Buffy chose him. Must be a bummer for you, losing her to a demon and all."

"I don't seem to recall asking you, Faith."

"Too bad. You involved me when you neglected to tell me the full truth about Angel. I'm not your personal hit squad."

"He's a vampire, you're a Slayer. Only Buffy seems to have problems with the concept."

Faith grinned. The sight chilled Xander's blood.

"Sweet thing, I'll show you a concept," said Faith as she stepped closer towards him. Xander was alarmed by the light in her eyes, and so took a cautious step backwards.

A step back into the lockers.

With a groan, he grasped the back of his head, rubbing the wound. "Faith, I -- ?" he said as her hand slammed into his forehead, cracking his already abused head back into the cold metal.

Limply, Xander fell to the ground.

=====

The next thing he felt was the sensation of slender fingers running up and down his back. Blearily, he peered up at the owner of those fingers.

Faith.

But the last time he had seen Faith, she had been busy slamming his head into a locker... He jerked his head around, noting for the first time his location. The cemetery. Which would explain the cold...oh, no, that was because he was naked.

Naked?

In a panic, Xander tried to get up, but he found that he was unable to do so.

"Tsk, tsk, tsk, Xander, now don't struggle. It will make things so much harder for you."

"Faith, what's going on?"

"Just a little payback, babe. I don't like to be used, especially by no-dicked wonders like yourself."

"What the hell -- ?" he trailed off as he realized he was bound hand and foot and lying on the ground. "Faith, damn it, let me go."

"Oh, no, Xander. You're just going to have to take it like a man."

"Take what like a man?" the boy questioned fearfully.

"Well, I figure that you're so =much= of a man that you can take anything -- even being fucked up the ass by a bunch of vamps."

"What!" Xander shrieked, unable to believe what she was saying.

"Well, I tried to think of the perfect punishment for you, which was hard because you deserve a lot of punishment, but then it came to me! I called up my old buddy Trick and arranged for a little =fun= for you."

"Y...you and Trick?"

"Yeah, Trick and I go way back, before I even became the damn Slayer. We do have our differences of opinion, but he's basically a sharp guy. And he was only too glad to help me."

Just then, Xander heard the ominous sounds of bushes rustling. Trick and a pack of the meanest, ugliest vampires Xander had ever seen walked into the clearing.

"Faith!" Trick exclaimed, enveloping the brunette in his arms and kissing her deeply, "What's doin'?"

Faith shrugged. "Hopefully your boys doing this little piece of shit." She and Trick exchanged a look and laughed loudly. The other vampires were deeply amused.

Xander cowered in fear.

Reaching over, Faith grabbed Xander by his bound limbs and hauled him up and over a tombstone, his lily white ass waving in the air.

Trick chuckled. "Now =that's= a sight."

Winking at him, Faith slapped Xander's ass roughly, her handprint showing clearly on his pale flesh. "Go to it, boys," she said, stepping away from his body.

The boys were only too happy to be of assistance.

The largest one stepped up to a crying, whimpering Xander and unzipped his pants, sliding the denim down his legs. His huge cock sprang free from its confinement, growing more and more erect as the seconds ticked by.

Faith raised her eyebrows. "Oooh, nice one. That's gonna HURT!" she crowed, shoulders shaking from repressed laughter.

The vampire laughed slightly as his fingers found Xander's hips. He positioned the boy and then rammed his cock into Xander's tight little ass.

Xander screamed as his tender skin tore, blood rushing out of his violated anus to coat his attacker's cock. His screams increased as the vampire plunged back and forth wildly.

Thrusting a few more times, the vampire came with a yell. Faith and Trick applauded. Spent, he jerked out of Xander and stumbled back.

"Next?" Faith called with a evil grin, motioning to the vampires. "So, Xander, how do you like your punishment?"

Xander saw the other vampires getting in line to have a turn fucking his young ass, and he did the only thing he could do. He screamed.

Loudly.

But no one cared.

===Chapter Two: Faith Restored===
(Content: some angst, a minor tissue warning, and some f/f lovemaking.)

//It was way too cold for November.//

Buffy's thoughts centered on the appalling weather as she made her way back to the room in the bad section of town that Faith called home. She recalled her earlier conversation with the girl.

/I'm on your side./

/I'm on my side. That's enough./

Buffy's shoulders slumped. She hadn't meant to hurt Faith further; the girl obviously had trust issues, and the latest fiasco hadn't helped matters any. She was going to help her, even if it killed the both of them. Having made up her mind, Buffy knocked firmly on the door.

No answer.

Buffy knocked again, this time hard enough to dent the wood. From the inside, she heard a low grumble. "What the hell do you want?"

"Faith? It's me. Let me in."

"Buffy, don't take this the wrong way, but fuck off."

Sighing, Buffy stood her ground. "Either you open the door or I kick it in. Either way works just fine for me."

"All right, all right," the younger girl grumbled. "Hold your horses." Buffy saw the doorknob rattle, and then Faith appeared in her line of sight. She looked about the same as she had the last time Buffy had seen her, minus the swollen jaw. The Slayer healing powers were extraordinary. "Spit it out, B, what's going on?"

Buffy pushed past Faith, into the dingy little room. "A couple things."

Faith rolled her eyes as she shut the door behind them. She leaned up against the closed door, arms crossed in front of her chest. "And those would be?"

"First, I'm sorry for beating you up."

Faith snorted. "Sure."

"No, I am. I just saw you about to hurt Angel, and I lost it. I went a little psychotic."

"Buffy, you broke my hand and my jaw. You went a little more than psychotic."

Buffy blanched. "I know. I am sorry, Faith. You just wouldn't listen to me..."

"You're not exactly impartial where he's concerned."

"I would _never_ let him hurt you, despite what Xander says."

At the mention of Xander's name, Faith grinned.

Buffy frowned. "What about Xander?"

She shrugged innocently. "Nothing. Just wondering what Boy Wonder is doing right now?"

"Probably whining to Cordy about how much of a slut I am. How the hell should I know?"

"So, what else are you sorry for?"

Buffy glanced at her.

"I'm sorry for not explaining my relationship with Angel to you. I'm not sorry for having hidden him, because he was in no condition to be found, but I should have told you the whole story instead of letting you find out piece by piece from others. It wasn't that I don't trust you, it was that I have a hard time talking about it."

Faith arched an eyebrow. "I don't have any place to be. So shoot."

Startled, Buffy froze. She hadn't anticipated going through this all today. "Uh, well, okay." She crossed over to the bed and sat on the edge. Faith followed suit, facing her.

"I met Angel a couple of days after I moved to Sunnydale. He basically appeared to warn me of a major demon uprising, then took off. I saw him randomly after that, always when he wanted to tell me something. In the beginning, I didn't know he was a vampire."

"You just thought he was a hot piece of man flesh," Faith said with a wicked grin.

Buffy blushed. "Noticed that, did you?"

"For a second there, I felt bad that I was going to kill a guy that was *that* hot."

"Anyway...I think I had already started to fall for him when I found out what he was."

"Did he tell you?"

"No...actually, h-he kissed me, and then he vamped out and took off."

"You kissed him with his vamp face on? Ewww."

"After the first time, I never even noticed. It was him, and I loved him so much..." she trailed off, caught up in the memories.

"So then what?"

"So then his sire, Darla, started to cause problems with the Master, and she attacked my mother and set it up so that I thought Angel had done it, and I went to kill him. I tracked him to the Bronze, and I went in to fight it out, but then he told me he hadn't hurt my mother, and I believed him. I offered him my throat, just to be sure that he wasn't lying."

"You're crazy!! What if he had taken you up on it?"

"I knew him. No matter what's between us, I know him like I'll never know another person. Like he knows me."

Faith looked at her. "You really love him, don't you? It's not just a crush thing."

"He's the other half of my soul. It's very simple. We don't get a happily ever after, but he's mine and I'm his, forever and ever, amen."

"That's deep, B, really deep."

Playfully, Buffy swatted Faith in the head.

"Hey, hey, I think you've beaten me up enough for the week, don't you?"

"Maybe."

"Remember when I said that maybe it was time for you to retire?"

"Yeah..."

"I was wrong. If the fight had lasted much longer, you would have wiped the floor with me."

"I know."

"Bitch!" Faith exclaimed with a grin.

"I had a *reason* to fight. I was defending him, and I would die myself before I would see him hurt."

"It's just weird to me...a Slayer loving a vampire. It's one thing to think about boinking one..."

"Faith?"

"Um...yeah?"

"Is there something you wanted to tell me, Faith?"

"Nothing."

"Faith?" Buffy raised a fist.

Holding up her hands, Faith surrendered. "Okay, okay. Before I was Called, or whatever, I knew this cool guy that sometimes gave me money for food and stuff. He was kind of hot, and I kind of...did stuff with him."

Internally, Buffy was amazed that the normally foul mouthed Faith blushed when she talked about 'doing stuff'. "And this guy was Trick, right?"

Faith's eyes widened. "How did you know that?"

"I figured you had to have had help getting away from that Kissing Toast guy, so it only made sense that Trick was on the inside."

"Enough with my undead lover, I want to know about yours!"

Buffy sighed. "Anyway, he and I did this whole dancing around the relationship thing for months, because we were sure that it couldn't work, but eventually it didn't matter anymore. Nothing mattered except being together."

"It's kind of romantic, in a warped sort of way."

Rolling her eyes, Buffy said, "Thanks. I think."

"And then what happened?"

"And then Drusilla and Spike assembled the Judge, or Big Blue, as I liked to call him. Angel and I were caught while doing a little recon in the warehouse where they were holed up, but we escaped into the sewer system. It was raining outside, and by the time we got back to his apartment, I was soaked to the bone and nearly frozen to death."

"And then he warmed you up the old fashioned way?"

Buffy's face turned scarlet again. "Um...yeah."

"So what was it like? I mean, being in love with the guy first?"

"I don't exactly have a lot to compare it to."

"B!"

"It was unbelievable. I guess when you fuck the soul out of your boyfriend, it had better be incredible," Buffy said wryly.

Faith shrieked with laughter and fell back on the bed. Smiling, Buffy laid down next to her, and continued with the story. She remained dry-eyed until she got to the end, to that night in the mansion, with Angelus bearing down on her with torment screaming from his eyes.

"He had already pulled the sword from Acathla, and I fought him so hard, harder than I had ever fought before. Later, I realized it was because I was fighting him and myself, because deep down, I knew that I would forgive him anything. I knew that once I killed Angelus, Angel was forever lost to me and that I couldn't bear."

Faith was silent, watching Buffy's expressive face as she told her story.

"He had me pinned, and was about to kill me when I suddenly realized what he would do if I were dead, how Giles and Willow and the rest would suffer, and I dredged up enough energy to counterattack, and I beat him back. I had him on his knees. I was about to behead him when a light flashed in his eyes, and he collapsed. I didn't know it then, but Willow had tried the spell once more, and this time it worked."

Horrified beyond words, Faith quickly grasped the rest of the story. "You sent Angel to Hell, not Angelus."

Buffy nodded.

She was whispering, as though saying the words aloud would completely kill her. "And then I held him, told him I loved him, kissed him one last time, and sent him to Hell." Her voice broke and she covered her face to hide her tears.

Awkwardly, Faith wrapped her arms around Buffy. She was surprised when the older girl let out a loud wail and burrowed closer to her. She found herself stroking Buffy's hair, and whispering nonsense words to her, the words she remembered her mother crooning to her when she was a little girl. "It's all right, Buffy, it's all right. He's here, he's back."

"It's so *hard*, Faith. All I want to do is wrap my arms around him and never let go, but if I do, Angelus comes back, and this time I know that he'll kill everyone. The worst part is I'd welcome death and I hate myself for it."

Suddenly, fiercely, Faith dragged Buffy's face up to meet her gaze. "He wouldn't kill you, do you understand? I'd kill him before he hurt you again."

Buffy's world suddenly tilted as she saw Faith's glittering eyes, eyes that held a promise of something that was dangerously akin to love. Swearing softly, Faith dragged Buffy closer to her and crushed her lips beneath her own.

Buffy was stunned.

She was stunned that Faith was actually kissing her, and she was even more stunned to discover that she was kissing her back, her tongue ravaging Faith's mouth with careful deliberation. Faith moaned deep in her throat, and pulled Buffy closer. The two girls wrapped themselves around each other, rolling over so that Faith was on top, her weight holding Buffy down. The slighter weight atop her was strange to Buffy, used to Angel's much greater bulk.

Her nipples hardened as Faith's hand made its way down her chest, stroking and pinching the pink flesh. Buffy's breath caught up in her throat as Faith's mouth followed her hand, lips enveloping the pebbled tip through the lycra of her top. Annoyed, Faith yanked at the tiny covering until it fell in tatters at the side of the bed. Her eyes feasted on the plump mounds, raising a reverent hand to touch them gently. Faith rubbed Buffy's left breast as she suckled at the right, nursing at the nipple until she arched into her hand, pleading for more.

Moving down, pushing away the offending garments, Faith licked a trail down Buffy's golden body, nipping and sucking at the skin. When she reached her pubic mound, Buffy tensed a bit.

"Faith -- I -- "

"Shhhh, let me do this for you. Please?"

Buffy subsided with a soft moan. Tracing a light pattern on her upper thighs, Faith coaxed Buffy's legs apart, craving the hot flesh at her core. She slid one tentative hand up the satiny thigh, until her fingers encountered a slick heat. Slowly, she inserted a single finger, awed at the tight wetness that surrounded her.

"B...you're so tight..."

Buffy closed her eyes and whispered, "The only time was that night with Angel...I couldn't bear to let anyone else touch me."

Humbled by the other girl's trust, Faith resolved to ignore her own needs in favor of Buffy's long-denied ones. To that end, she allowed her thumb to brush Buffy's clit, stroking the tiny bud to hardness. Buffy moaned, the building pressure between her thighs consuming her. She arched and pushed against Faith's hand, silently asking for more. Faith pressed back harder, letting another finger slip into the aching wetness. Buffy bit back a strangled moan as Faith began to thrust those fingers in and out of her, stretching her flesh deliciously. At the same time, Faith circled her clit, pressing down every so often. The rhythm soon had Buffy's hips jerking off the bed, following Faith's questing hand. Quickly, she slid back up Buffy's body, claiming the girl's mouth as she claimed her intimate flesh. Their mouths slid together, tongues tangling wetly.

"Faith..." Buffy breathed, her eyes darkening, heralding the oncoming orgasm.

"Come for me," Faith urged, quickening her movements, plunging the rest of her fingers into Buffy's core. At that added pressure, Buffy snapped, muscles tensing as she fell headlong into orgasm. She clamped around Faith's hand as she undulated helplessly, caught up in the grip of her pleasure.

Tears fell from Faith's eyes as she contemplated the beauty unfolding before her. Buffy looked amazing in the throes of climax, shining hair haloing her head, face flushed red from the pleasure. She felt an answering throb in her own core and she squirmed slightly.

Brushing Buffy's slack lips with her own, she whispered, "I lied. I trust you, Buffy. I do."

Buffy's hands gently grasped Faith's head and dragged her down. "I know, Faith. We're the same, you and I."

Faith looked suddenly vulnerable. "And...and I love you," she blurted, suddenly embarrassed of her feelings. "This is the first time that I'm really not alone."

"Me too." Buffy stroked Faith's forehead, wiping the dark hair from her eyes. "We'll be okay," she said, wrapping her arms around Faith and snuggling closer. "You'll see."

And then the Chosen Ones slept, for once safe from the evil that surrounded them.

===Chapter Three: Someone To Watch Over Me===
(Content: Angst, angst, and more angst!)

She was the Slayer, and she was petrified.

There was no way around it, he was hurt, and she didn't know if she could make it better. Buffy stood silently in front of Giles' apartment door, attempting to work up the nerve to knock. On one hand, she knew that if they didn't have it out once and for all, there would be no healing, no moving forward. On the other, she was deathly afraid of what he was going to say. He had no idea of the power he had over her -- one cross word from him and she just wanted to slit her own throat.

The conversation in his office after The Intervention...just the memory of it made her stomach clench into knots. He hadn't shouted, oh no, no loud emotion for Rupert Giles. Instead, he nearly whispered his accusations, hurling her lack of trust in him at her face.

Those softly spoken words cut into her like shards of glass slicing right into her heart. She had wanted to scream, to rail at him for saying such things, but in the end, all she could manage was silence. Tears welled up in her eyes as she remembered the look on his face, the look in his eyes.

She pulled herself together for a second, long enough to knock on the door. After a few heartbeats' worth of silence, she raised her fist to knock again, and nearly collided with Giles' chest as he wrenched the door open.

But it wasn't Giles.

From the gleam in his eye, the rumpled shirt on his back, and the bottle of alcohol in his hand, he appeared to be someone else.

Ripper.

"Well if it isn't my bloody Slayer! Sod off, Slayer." With that, he swung the door shut.

Buffy's palm slapping against the wood halted that motion. "Giles, let me in. We have to talk."

"*We* don't have anything to say, Slayer...we said it all yesterday."

With a quick shake of her head, she pushed through the door, sending him stumbling back into the foyer.

"Fuck!" he exclaimed as the bottle slid from his grasp onto the floor. "See what you made me do? God damn it! Do you never do what you're told?" He slid down on his knees, wallowing in what remained of the bottle of whiskey.

She winced, the barb cutting deeply. "Giles, you need to sit down. You're drunk, and you are going to hurt yourself."

He looked up at her, pain naked in his gaze. "Nothing, no one, could ever hurt me as badly as you hurt me."

Buffy recoiled as his words hit her full force. She opened her mouth, and gasped for breath, but she had none. The world spun dizzily around her, and she reached out a shaking hand to brace herself against the stairs. "Giles," she whispered achingly, "I know you're mad at me, but please try to understand -- "

"I understand, all right. I *understand* that you chose him over me, a murderer over someone who has devoted his entire goddamn life to you. That's pretty much all I bloody well need to understand!" he shouted at her.

"I didn't! It wasn't a choice! I did what I had to do, Giles. What you taught me to do!"

"I never taught you to fuck the enemy into submission!"

His head jerked backwards from the force of her hand impacting against his cheek. "Don't ever, *ever*, say that to me." Her voice was low. "Don't ever degrade what Angel and I have, Giles. It's not fair."

"News flash for you, Slayer -- life isn't fair. Life wasn't fair when we were forced into lives we didn't want, and life wasn't fair when your precious beloved Angel snapped Jenny's neck like a twig!"

"It was Angelus, not Angel!"

"Same body, Slayer. Same memories. Tell me, do you enjoy being touched by those hands? The same hands that hurt everyone else you care about? Or is it that you just don't care for everyone else like you care for him? You love him the best and to hell with the rest, is that it?"

"No! It's not like that!"

Ripper smirked at her. "Luv, if it's a cock you're looking for, I have one that would work just as well."

He never even saw the right that was aimed for his jaw, but it knocked him out just the same.

=====

There was a little man poking at his brain with a red hot saber, Rupert Giles was absolutely certain of it. With a groan, he rolled over.

And promptly hit the floor.

"Ugggghhhh," he groaned, his hands flying to cradle his aching skull. Dazed, he looked up at the couch looming above him. He looked at himself and realized that he was in fresh clothes, that he no longer stank of whiskey. And that his jaw ached something fierce.

Who had done this? Buffy?

She had clocked him, cleaned him up, laid him down, and taken off for parts unknown? "Buffy...?" he called hesitantly, "Buffy, are you still here?" Vaguely, in the back of his mind, he knew that there was something he should be ashamed of doing, but he couldn't quite remember...

When she entered the room, it all came back to him in a rush. The accusations, the insults. "Oh god, Buffy," he murmured in a defeated tone, "I never meant to say those things to you."

Her eyes were wary. He couldn't blame her. "I hurt you, Giles. You defended yourself. I understand."

"But the things I said..."

"You meant them. You hate me now. Like I said, I understand. You think I'm a selfish, cheap whore, and you are disgusted by me. It's okay, really. I'm, um, I'm just going to go now, and, um, patrol, and I'll catch you later."

She whirled around and fled to the door.

"Buffy, wait!" he called out, struggling to his feet. She saw him suffering and couldn't resist the urge to help him. She easily pulled him to his feet, and sat him down on the couch.

"Don't be too active. You're still really shaky." Briefly, she rested her hand on his forehead, then realized what she had done and jerked her hand away.

"Talk to me."

"Look, Giles, I know you're mad at me, so you don't have to try to pretend. I know I've ruined our relationship, and we'll just have to learn how to deal with each other."

He looked at her with haunted eyes. "You're just giving up? You're throwing in the towel?"

She jerked back as though he had bitten her, shaking her head wildly. "You're the one who gave up, Giles. Not me. I'll never give up on you."

He laughed, a small, bitter laugh. "You already did. You did the second you welcomed him back into your arms."

Falling to her knees before him, Buffy grasped his hands and begged, "Giles, please don't make me choose. Don't do that to me, don't make me choose between you and Angel. I need you both to survive."

"Angelus didn't seem to care."

"*Angelus* is gone. Gone! Never to return! Willow said she changed the curse, Giles. Angel's soul is here to stay."

"All very neat for you, Buffy. But where's Jenny's revenge?"

Buffy drew back quickly, hitting her head against the coffee table. "He spent over a thousand years in hell. I'd say that was revenge enough."

"She trusted him, Buffy, she trusted him and he snapped her neck!"

"She didn't trust him! She *knew* him, knew he was Angelus, and she took her chances."

"And she died!"

"Yes," Buffy said simply, "She died."

Giles' eyes widened and he looked up at the ceiling, then over to the far wall, refusing to meet Buffy's gaze. Suddenly, a low sob erupted from him. It was her name. "Oh, god, Jenny!" He doubled over, emotion storming through him.

Swiftly, Buffy climbed up next to him and drew him into her arms. Cradling him, she smoothed his hair, rocking him gently in her arms. "Ssshhhh, it's all right, Giles, it's all right." She kissed the top of his head, her own tears streaming silently down her face.

He clutched her like a lifeline, hands wrapped tight around her forearms. "Buffy...I..."

"It's okay," she soothed, "Whatever it is, it's okay."

"It's not, Buffy, it's not okay...I never got to apologize to her..."

"Apologize for what, Giles? She knew you had forgiven her. She loved you. She understood. In the end, that's why I forgave her...because she loved you and you needed her. I knew you were in pain...and it killed me to know that I was the cause."

He tilted his head up to look into her eyes. "I never forgave myself..."

"For what, Giles?"

"For the first thought I had when I saw her corpse lying in my bed."

Buffy was confused. "What?"

"The first thing I should have thought of when I saw her was *her*, how tragic and awful her death was, but instead, the first thought I had was, 'Dear God, as long as it's not Buffy.'"

Buffy sucked in a breath.

"She always accused me of being in love with you...and I couldn't explain to her that I loved you more than *anything* on this earth, but that it had nothing to do with what I felt for her."

The pieces suddenly clicked into place in Buffy's mind. "So you think by making me forsake Angel, somehow Jenny will forgive you?"

He closed his eyes.

"Giles, the Jenny Calender I knew would have never wanted that. She was a good person."

"I know," he whispered, "But I can't seem to help it."

"Look at me," she demanded. "Look at *me*."

Raising red rimmed eyes, he searched her face, seeing the tears streaking her cheeks, noting the pain written across her expressive features.

"You and Angel are the most important people in my life, Giles. I love you both, but in different ways. He's my mate. He's the other half of me. I know it was foolish to become involved with him, but I am and I would die to keep him safe."

Giles winced.

"I would do the same for you." She gripped him tighter. "You're the only person in my whole world that would love me no matter what. No one else loves me like you do. My mother's love comes and goes when it's convenient for her, and my father...well, my father is mostly nonexistant. Willow and Xander and the rest are great friends, but I'm always afraid for them. And I'm desperately afraid to get close to Faith, because I'm scared she's going to get herself killed. You're the only one that has *always* been in my corner, and I don't think you know what that means to me."

Reaching a trembling hand up to her face, he carefully wiped the tears from her skin. "Are we going to be all right, Buffy?"

"We have to be. You're my Watcher. I'm your Slayer."

"'Till death do us part?"

She smiled briefly. "Death *had* better not part us, mister. You've got me for life."

Suddenly completely serious, he looked her in the eyes. "For life," he echoed.

She held his gaze. "We both know the risks, Giles. But we've beaten the odds so far..."

"Due, no doubt, to my excellent research skills," he said, smiling for the first time in ages.

Rolling her eyes, she swatted him lightly. "Don't ask me, I'm just the muscle in the outfit. You're the brains." She clutched him to her in a brief hug, then hauled herself off the couch. "I've got to patrol, keep the world safe for democracy and all that jazz."

The smile faded from his eyes. "Will you...will you be seeing..."

Buffy froze. "Yes, Giles, I will be seeing Angel. Can you handle it?"

He clenched his fists tightly, then loosened them. Looking up at her, he nodded his head. "I think I can." And for the first time since the whole nightmare began, he really thought he could.

===Chapter Four: Love You To Death===

He was truly a beautiful man, Buffy mused as she stood in the doorway watching him work out. His muscles stood out in stark definition from his body, rippling as he moved smoothly through the kata.

Angel bent and arched, hands and arms moving in perfect synchronicity. An aura of power surrounded him, giving the false impression that he was well. But knowing him as she did, she could see through it, noting the near-exhaustion in his face, the slight tremor in his limbs. And as she watched him pivot abruptly, he lost his balance. She was across the room in seconds, grabbing him before he hit the floor.

"Hey, hey, watch it there, tiger. You had a big day." She hauled him upwards and supported him as they limped over to the couch. His arms tightened around her, allowing her to bear the brunt of his weight. "Angel, you're pushing yourself too hard. You need to take it easy."

"If I take it easy, I'll never get better."

"If you strain yourself, it will take you forever to get better." Buffy stared at him, remembering all too clearly the blind panic she had felt while running to the mansion, praying fervently to every god she could think of to keep Faith from killing him.

She had almost lost him.

Again.

And it terrified her.

"You have to be careful. You're not up to your fighting weight. Faith dumped you on your ass." She eased him down onto the couch gently and perched on the cushion beside him.

Angel grinned ruefully. "Is that her name? I always like to know the names of people that try to kill me."

Buffy's blood ran cold. "Don't even joke about it." She leapt up from her seat. "Don't ever say things like that." Her heart sped up, thundering in her ears, horror gripping her insides.

"Buffy, I -- "

She raised her hand, silencing him. "When I saw her raise the stake I wanted to kill her. I wanted to rip her throat out and cover you with my body to keep you safe from harm."

Silently, he looked up at her, eyes full of sorrow.

"Do you understand, Angel? She's my sister in arms, the closest thing to a real sister I will ever have, and I could have just torn her apart."

"I know."

"And then I got to thinking about things...about us, and I realized that you killed your own sire to protect me. I don't think I understood the significance of that at the time."

"Darla wouldn't have stopped until you were dead, Buffy." Even after all the time that had gone by, the memory of his sire still squeezed at his heart.

"It makes me think sometimes that Giles is right."

"About?"

"I'm blind where you're concerned."

"You are."

She looked at him in amazement. "What?"

"There is nothing you wouldn't do to protect me. There is no one that I wouldn't kill to protect you. You're my mate, Buffy. We have no reason when it comes to the other. It's just the way love is."

She clenched her eyes shut, dragging in shallow breaths. "Part of me thinks I should be outraged for that, but the rest of me doesn't give a damn as long as you're whole."

"I missed you," he whispered achingly, "No matter what they...did...to me, no matter how they tried to make me forget, I never forgot you. At the end, they managed to erase me, erase who I was, but I never lost you, the smell of you, the feel of your skin."

Buffy gasped, her right hand flying up to cover her mouth. Her eyes were bright from the moisture welling up in them. He looked at her, devouring her with his eyes. Shaken to the core, she flung herself into his arms.

Angel held her tightly, clutching her to his chest, rubbing his face into the fragrant skin of her neck. He dropped small kisses on her jaw, her neck, the throbbing pulse point on her throat. "We'll be okay, Buffy. We've been through bad times before. We'll make it somehow."

She nodded slowly. "I know. I love you too much, need you too much, to let you go." Raising her head, she met his lips with her own. Her hands crept up to cradle his face, fingers tracing a familiar pattern on his skin.

He reached up and grasped her hands, fondling the smooth flesh. "Where's your ring?"

She looked at her hand blindly for a minute, noting the pale, worn circle where her ring usually resided. And then it came back to her, kissing the ring and placing it on the floor, giving up the last hope that her lover would ever return to her. Her throat tightened in memory. "Um...I left it here. Before you came back. I had, um..."

"Moved on?" he asked hesitantly.

"NO!" she burst out, eyes wide. "I mean, I tried to move on and everything...but I couldn't."

He smiled, pulling her down for another kiss. "I know the feeling. And I found your ring. I thought you had taken it off because...because you wanted me gone."

"I wore that ring every single day. I stopped wearing it on my hand for a while, but I always had it with me. In the beginning, it gave me hope...and then it just comforted me when I had nothing else."

She looked at his hand, seeing his ring, heart facing towards him. "You wore it even when you were *him*."

"I put it on with 'for better or worse' in mind, and for all his insanity...Angelus loved you too."

Buffy tensed, the mention of that name still having the power to frighten her. "You make it sound like it's a wedding ring," she said, unable to keep the yearning tone from her voice.

Surprised, he looked at her. "Buffy...I thought you knew, that you agreed..."

"Knew what?"

"To my people, this *is* a wedding ring. Once you give the claddaugh and pledge your heart, you are married."

The color drained from her face, and then returned in a rush. "We were...are...married?"

He nodded slowly. "But only if you want to be..." He saw the look on her face and misinterpreted it. "We don't have to be...I should have know that you wouldn't want that...I'm sorry for not making it clearer -- "

Buffy closed her eyes, her lips pressed tightly together. Angel hurried to placate her. "Baby, I'm sorry that I didn't explain it better."

Opening her eyes, she smiled at him, a radiant, beaming smile. "Angel, I'd be proud to be your wife."

Angel smiled shyly at her, then went over to the mantle behind them. He picked something up, and walked back to her. He took her left hand, then dropped to one knee before her. She gasped softly, tears pooling in her eyes. He bowed his head until his forehead touched her hand, and murmured something in Gaelic.

Raising his head, he brought her hand to his lips, kissing her fingers. "I love you more than my own life. Please marry me."

"For always," she whispered, her other hand finding its way into his silky hair.

Carefully, he slid her ring back onto her finger. She looked at it for a moment, then she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him for all she was worth. As they kissed, Angel shifted her completely onto his lap, supporting her weight. He winced slightly as an abused muscle protested the movement. Buffy caught the pain flashing across his face and moved off of him, kneeling before him. "Honey, are you all right? Are you sore?"

"Every muscle aches, I think," he said, rolling his neck to work out the kinks.

Standing up, she offered him her hand. "C'mon, let's get those muscles rubbed out before they start to cramp on you."

Angel arched an eyebrow. "You're going to give me a rubdown?"

"You'd rather have someone else do it?"

"Not on your life."

Grinning like a fool, she hauled him to his feet, snagged her backpack, and led him upstairs to the bedroom.

=====

As they entered the room, the sight of the bed stopped Buffy cold. "Was this where *he* slept?"

Angel looked up at her. //Should I lie to her or tell her the truth?// As though she could read his mind, she said, "Don't lie to me, Angel. Never lie to me, even if you think it's for my own good."

He shook his head. "No, I didn't sleep here. When I was...him...I didn't...sleep alone."

"I see."

"Do you?"

"I understand that it wasn't you doing those things, and I can deal with that. I don't have to like it...and quite frankly the thought of your hands touching that crazy bitch makes my skin crawl...but it means nothing to us now. If we're going to make it, we can't live in the past. We have to live in the now." She set her jaw firmly, brooking no argument.

Staring at her, he smiled. Her strength would never cease to amaze him. Silently, he padded over to the bed, and laid down on it, face down. He rested his head on his folded arms as he listened to her rummage around in her bag. "What are you looking for?"

"Some lotion. I know I had this stuff from Bath and Body Works in here somewhere...aha! Here it is."

He heard her flip the cap, then his nostrils were assaulted by the rather potent smell of the cream. "What *is* that?" he said as he tried to decide whether or not he liked it.

She crawled onto the bed, straddling his hips. "It's really nice cream. It's called 'Juniper Breeze'. It smells nice, doesn't it?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "It smells awfully girly from over here."

"And? Your point?"

Angel sighed, and she grinned in triumph. Squeezing out some cream, she rubbed it between her hands for a moment to warm it, then spread those hands against his wide back. Carefully, with just enough pressure to soothe rather than hurt, Buffy worked it into his skin. After about a minute, Angel let out another sigh, this time one of extreme pleasure. "That cream is almost better than sex."

Buffy snickered. "Not 'too girly' for you anymore?"

"I take that blasphemy back. It's wonderful."

She continued the massage until he was a vibrating mass of relaxed flesh beneath her. She worked her way from his hands, her small fingers entwining with his, forcing all the tension away, down his arms, kneading muscled biceps, shoulders, and neck. Angel rolled his head accommodatingly, allowing her to chase away the soreness. Sliding across his back once again, she traced his tattoo, then went down farther, until she was hindered by his pants. Quickly, she grasped his hips, pulling up gently. "Hitch up a little, I need to get these pants off of you."

Angel didn't have to be asked twice.

Once the pants were gone, she rubbed a wicked hand across the taut globes of his ass, pinching slightly.

"You're enjoying yourself waaaay too much," he rumbled, the smile evident in his voice.

Appreciatively, she eyed his ass, beginning a tiny thrusting motion against the mattress. "Someone else looks like he's enjoying himself way too much.

He chuckled, the sound causing wetness to well up in her core. Rubbing herself against his rear, she groaned, fingers holding him firmly in place. "If you don't hush," she threatened, "I'll never get done."

Abruptly, he rolled, knocking her off the bed. She snickered as she clambered to her feet, only to see her lover spread out on the bed, cock already hard and weeping for her.

Buffy nearly swallowed her tongue. "I had forgotten just how much I missed seeing you like that."

His eyes bored into hers. "You have on too much clothing."

Unhesitatingly, she shucked her tank top, then shimmied out of her pants and underwear. Naked, she climbed back onto the bed and into his outstretched arms. For a moment, they just laid there, clutching each other tightly, trying to repress memories of the last time they had been together that way. Angel broke the frozen tension by brushing a hand against her left breast, fondling the nipple tenderly. Buffy sighed and arched her back, pressing her breast into that strong hand. He obliged, massaging the firm flesh, arousing the tip mercilessly as his other hand worked its way down to her soft folds.

He was momentarily amazed by her slick heat; he had barely touched her and she was already so ready... It struck a chord deep inside him that after all that had passed, she could still feel this strongly for him. Delving deep, he pressed first one finger, then two, into her, stretching her gently. Buffy's breath caught on a moan, the tender pressure heating her blood.

She saw him smile, and suddenly she wanted more. Decisively, she pushed him to his back and straddled him. She would take what she wanted, but she refused to hurry. She wanted to savor this, savor him. It had been so long, and she had ached for him forever. So slowly she was driving him insane, she lifted up and slid down, enveloping him, sheathing him in her scalding wetness. Hips rocking gently, she leaned down to capture his mouth, her hands seeking out his and entwining their fingers, holding him spreadeagled on the bed. Their mouths met and clung together, tongues rubbing lazily.

Against her lips, he whispered, "I love you so much...more than anything..."

Quick tears sprang to her eyes. "I ached for you for so long...I thought I was going to die from it."

"Shhh..." he hushed her, "I'm here now. I'm never going to leave you again."

"Do you swear?" Her voice was suddenly desperate.

He laid his head back so he could look into her eyes, glistening with raw emotion. "I swear. Not even death could take me from you."

She keened softly at his words, her hips grinding down onto him, taking him further into her fire than she thought possible. Angel moaned, thrusting up into her. He would never be able to get enough of her, and they both knew it. No matter where he was, she would always be his home.

Angel watched his mate through love-drunk eyes, her head thrown back, blonde hair tumbling down over her shoulders in a riotus mass. She was his golden girl, light to his dark. She willingly enveloped his darkness, and for that he could never hope to repay her.

Languidly, she moved above him, carefully building the fire between her legs. Teeth clenched, Angel clutched her hips, aiding her movements. She was driving him out of his mind with her deliberate teasing...and he was helping her.

She raised up and slid down, the slick friction consuming her. In frustration, he growled slightly, and the rough sound made the breath catch in the back of her throat. The moisture flowed from her, wetting her thighs with the evidence of her lust for him. He knew she loved it when he snarled and rasped at her, and he used that knowledge ruthlessly.

Giving in to the building pressure behind his eyes, he morphed, his face sliding easily into the familiar ridges of the demon. Baring his teeth, he snarled at her, and she cried out softly, clenching wildly around him. Whenever she saw him like that, her instinctive fear of the demon warred with her instinctive need for him, and created a powerful rush of adrenaline that sent her closer and closer to the edge of orgasm. The merest sight of him was incredibly erotic for her, the knowledge that only she could drive him to it, only for her did he become so aroused that he forgot his hard-won restraint and gave in to his baser needs, turned her on powerfully.

Buffy froze for a second, hanging in mid-thrust, trying to force back the shivering of her thighs that heralded her upcoming climax. She wanted to draw the sweet torment out for as long as she could, but he was having none of that. Pushed to the edge of his control, Angel lunged up, twisting her sharply and slamming her down into the mattress. She gasped as he followed her down, pressing her into the bed, gripping her legs with one hand as they automatically encircled his hips. His other arm he braced on the bed next to her head, propping himself up slightly so he could watch the emotions play across her face as she came.

Bending down to nuzzle her neck slightly, he rasped in her ear, "Come for me baby...I want to feel you come around me..."

The sound of his voice, deep and possessive, was all it took as Buffy shrieked his name, her body flexing around him as she shuddered uncontrollably, the orgasm tearing through her. Angel continued to thrust, the whole while keeping his eyes glued to her face, watching the pleasure storm through her. Her eyes clenched tightly shut as she shivered, spasming around him.

He waited until she opened her beautiful, expressive eyes, then he swept his head down as he slammed back into her core, unerringly finding the big vein in her neck and biting into it. As her blood poured into his mouth, his body corded, lunging into her, attaining the last bit of available depth as he came, his whole body shaking.

As the delicious pain in her neck registered, she climaxed again, wrapping herself around him, holding him safe even as she trembled beneath him.

After a few moments spent gorging on her blood, Angel regained enough control to pull back a bit, burying his face in her neck. She felt, rather than heard, him whimper, and she instantly panicked. Cradling his face in her hands, she looked into his eyes. "Angel, what's wrong? Please tell me."

He looked at her, eyes wet and pained. "When I was...there...this was one of the ways they would torture me..."

"They would torture you how?" she asked, not understanding what he was trying to tell her.

"They would pretend that they were..were..." He broke off, suddenly afraid to continue.

"They pretended to be who?" she whispered, her stomach beginning to sink as realization dawned on her.

Angel bit his lip. "They pretended to be you...and you would touch me, and tell me you loved me, and then you would make love to me...and at the end, when I was sure everything was going to be all right...it wasn't you at all."

Horror flooded her face, and Angel pulled back, sure that she was disgusted with him. Quickly, she tightened her legs around him, keeping him securely within her. "Don't go anywhere. Look me in the eyes, Angel."

"I can't," he choked out, ashamed with himself.

"Look at me," she demanded, "Damn it, don't hide from *me*."

She gasped at the pain radiating from him as he lifted his head. "I fell for it every time...I wanted to be with you so badly..."

"Shhh," she hushed him, twining herself around him, rocking him back and forth, "They're gone. They can't get you now. I won't let them."

She repeated her promise over and over again, her face nuzzled against his, her body holding him safe. His large frame shook in her arms, and as he cried himself to sleep, she wondered if they would ever be free of the hell their lives had become.

=====

As she gathered her clothing strewn haphazardly on the floor, she watched him sleep. He looked so peaceful, so young. Her heart tore at the thought of what he had been through. That they had used her to get to him...she lacked the words for the way that made her feel. It made her want to bust the Hellmouth wide open so she could get her hands on each and everyone of those demons. She would rip them to shreds with her bare hands, paint her skin with their blood, and only then would she begin to feel better. Quietly, she got ready to patrol, yanking on her pants and her tank top. She didn't want to leave him alone, afraid he would wake up and think she had left him.

Gently, she leaned over the bed and brushed her lips against his. "Angel, honey, wake up for a minute."

Blearily, he cracked open an eye. "Hmmm?" He grasped her arm. "Why aren't you in bed?"

"I have to go patrol. I'll be back in a few hours."

"Do you want me to go with you?"

She smiled. "No, baby, you rest. And don't hog all the covers." With another kiss, she tucked him back in, wrapping the covers around him, silently bidding them to keep him warm for her.

Buffy watched him until he fell back asleep, and then walked downstairs.

It was only appropriate that she go into battle with a part of him for luck, his ring on her finger, his brand on her neck and his seed smeared on her thighs. They were her talismans against fear, because as long as he was with her, she would be safe.

And as she disappeared into the night, ready to battle the forces of evil, she clutched that undeniable truth to her heart.

===Chapter Five: Just Desserts II===

In Progress!