TITLE: Wedding Hysteria
AUTHOR: Lex
EMAIL: lex@bitchenvy.com
RATING: PG-13
DISCLAIMER: Not mine. No money. No sue.
SYNOPSIS: Sequel to 'Runaway Bride' and 'Altar Bound'. Can a wedding take place on the Hellmouth with no hitches? No way!
NOTE1: God help me, I wrote another one. When you read this, understand that I have no control over this fiction. It's unstoppable, and quite frankly, I'm terrified.
NOTE2: The sap is STILL all Tamara's fault.
DEDICATED TO: My protege, Tinkerbell. July 30th, baby. I'm there. With bells on.

//They're the Lords of the Underworld. Surely they could afford a better lair.//

Anya, formerly Anyanka, Patron Demoness of Scorned Women, looked around the tackily furnished underground chamber where she was awaiting the Lords. She had received a message telling her that her presence was required immediately, so here she was. One really couldn't tell the Lords of the Underworld no. Especially because one wanted to go shoe shopping.

Suddenly, one of the Lords entered the chamber. The demon known as D'Hoffryn nodded at her. "Very good, Anyanka. I have news for you."

"I kind of figured that, what with the message and all."

Her tone did not sit well with D'Hoffryn, and he glared at her. "I thought time spent with mortals would have taught you to curb your tongue."

She shrugged. "Guess not."

"Well, it's a moot point now. You won't be mortal much longer."

Anya froze. "You're telling me that you're giving me my powers back?" she said, the shock evident on her face.

"Yes," he said from his altar. "The Lords of the Underworld have decided that you have been punished enough for your foolishness in allowing your power center to be taken from you and destroyed." He raised a scaled hand, and Anya could see her power center, restored to its full shape and power, glittering in his palm.

Without thought, she lifted her own hand, and the crystal flew into her grasp. Instantly, she felt her old power return to her body, suffusing her with joy. She had lost a part of herself when it had shattered, and had ached keenly for it. She couldn't wait to tell Xander...

Wait. Xander.

"D'Hoffryn, with the restoration of my power...does this mean I have to go back to what I was? she asked, cold dread chasing away any last vestige of joy.

"Anyanka, you are the patron demon of women scorned, and you have been such for millennia. And you will continue for untold millennia more."

"But my life now...," she whispered.

"With mortals?" he scoffed. "You were forced to sully yourself with them when you were powerless...but that is no longer the case. You can end your disgusting associations with all of them by killing them."

Her reaction was instant. "I will not kill them."

D'Hoffryn shrugged. "It is of no consequence to me. I have done my duty. Your power is your own once more. Now you have to do yours." His words were a dismissal.

Face pale, Anya left his chamber.

=====

"Where is she?" Buffy Summers demanded as she swept into the apartment she shared with her best friend, Willow Rosenberg.

Amy Madison looked up from the spellbook she was reading. "Bedroom. Babbling. Can't make her stop."

"You call me at work to tell me Willow's babbling?"

"She's doing nothing else but babbling. I can't get her to say anything. I think it's cold feet."

Buffy shook her head. "All right. Let me check it out." Putting her purse down, Buffy ran up the steps and headed for Willow's bedroom. True to Amy's word, Willow was sitting crosslegged on her bed, rocking back and forth as she babbled nonsense.

"Oz wolf wedding bells ceremony commitment periwinkle demon fringe," Willow chanted as she sat hunched over herself, her eyes huge in her pale face.

"Willow," Buffy said loudly, "Willow, look at me."

There was no response from the woman on the bed.

Buffy climbed onto the bed, scooting in front of her, so she could see into the other woman's eyes. She waved a hand back and forth. "Will, you in there?"

"Hellmouth witch tuxedo coven werewolf demon Xander vampires catering..."

Buffy's eyes widened. This was far worse than she had thought. She reached out and brushed Willow's red hair from her eyes. "Don't worry, Will, I'm gonna fix you, just give me a few minutes, okay?"

The question didn't even register.

Sighing, Buffy got off the bed and went downstairs to talk to Amy.

=====

When Anya got home, Xander was already there. Food was on the table, and baseball was on tv. Her fiance was sitting at the kitchen table, eating dinner while avidly watching the game. He heard her come in, but didn't look away from the game as she walked into the kitchen.

"Hey, hon," he greeted, "You got here just in time. Your favorite team is winning. And I made you mac and cheese, with that broccoli you like."

She looked at the back of his head, and felt huge tears well in her eyes. Swallowing the lump in her throat, she choked out, "Okay. I'm, uh, I'm going to go upstairs, and, uh, change, and I'll be back soon."

"Don't be gone too long," he admonished. "You'll miss a lot."

"I won't."

The tears held off until she reached the safety of their bathroom. With clammy hands muffling her sobs, she slid to the floor and buried her face in her knees, anguish tearing her apart.

She was a demon, she reminded herself. Her time as a mortal woman was over. She shouldn't be crying like a heartbroken fool.

But she was.

=====

Shaking his head, Angel walked down the stairs in Buffy's apartment, headed towards the two women seated in the kitchen. He had come down to Sunnydale the night before for the wedding, which was in two days. "I don't know, Buffy, she's completely gone. I've never seen anything like it."

"Neither has Giles. He's researching with Ethan right now. Spike is patrolling. And Oz isn't due back until tomorrow night -- wait, did anyone call Xander or Anya?"

Amy shook her head. "You're the only one I called. What good is Xander going to do?"

Buffy nodded. "True, but he should be here suffering along with us. And where's Cordy?"

Angel sat down at the table. "She's still in LA. Doyle had to finish something, so they should be here later tonight."

Reaching over, Buffy grabbed the cordless phone and dialed Xander. The phone rang and rang until the answering machine picked up. Buffy waited until the message ended, then spoke. "Xand? Anya? It's me. We're all at my apartment. Don't get upset, but there's something wrong with Willow, so you guys should probably get here ASAP. Okay? Bye."

"I wonder where they could be?" Amy asked as she looked at the phone.

"I don't know," Buffy said, "But I just got a really bad feeling."

=====

"So you're going back to being the avenger of all male wrongs." The words held no inflection; his face held no expression. Xander was numb. Anya had just told him of her restored powers, and he was torn between screaming and crying, so he did neither. Instead, he was eerily calm.

"Xander, I..."

"No, hey, I understand. I mean, it was great while it lasted, right? But you have to go back to work now. No big." He looked fixedly at the wall behind her, because he knew that if he looked at her, the tears burning at the back of his eyes would fall freely, and he would die before he allowed her to see that. She had made him love her, and now she was throwing him away.

His words left her cold. Was that all she had been to him? A fling? Her stupid human heart splintered apart in her breast. Wounded to the core, she spoke without thinking. "I imagine it will only be a matter of time before you do something stupid enough to require my attention."

It was harsh, and Xander flinched.

"Go easy on me, for old times' sake, okay?"

His flippant tone hit her with the force of a fist in the abdomen, and she had to fight from doubling over from the pain. "I'm a demon, remember? I don't have fuzzy feelings for anyone, least of all a man."

The phone rang, and both of them turned to look, but neither of them went to answer it. The machine clicked on, and they heard Buffy's voice explaining the situation with Willow.

"Oh, Xander, we have to get over there right now, I wonder what's happened to Will--"

"You're not needed there," he said coldly. "No evil demons allowed, remember?"

It was her turn to flinch.

"Have a nice life, *Anyanka*." With the use of her old name, Xander turned around and walked away from her. She watched his back until he was out of the room, and then she heard the front door slam so hard, the whole house shook from the force of it.

Awash in misery, Anya managed to stumble upstairs and crawl into bed, where she curled up into a ball and willed herself to die to escape the hideous pain in her chest where her heart used to be.

=====

"What's up with Willow?" Xander asked as he walked through Buffy's unlocked front door, only to see the entire gang assembled, poring over books.

"Willow's in some sort of trance," Buffy said, coming out of the kitchen, "And we're trying to -- Xander, what's wrong? You look awful." She reached him, and latched onto his arm, drawing him around to face her. He was pale, and his eyes were red, as though he had been crying. "Xander?"

"Uh, Anya got her powers back, she left me, and uh, we're not getting married."

Everyone in the room stopped what they were doing and turned to face Xander. They all exploded in unison. "WHAT?!?"

Slowly, calmly, Xander repeated himself.

Horrified, Buffy embraced him, feeling the unnatural stiffness of his muscles. "Oh God, Xand, I'm...I'm so --"

"Don't say it," he said, drawing away from her. "It's not important right now. What's wrong with Will?"

Buffy opened her mouth to pursue the topic, but for once, Angel came to Xander's rescue. He could see that the other man was close to the edge, and that he needed something, anything, to cling to. "Willow's upstairs, in bed. She's rocking back and forth and babbling incoherently. We can't get her to snap out of it."

Without a word, Xander went upstairs to see his friend.

Spike had returned from patrolling, and he looked around at them. "Did you really think that a wedding like this could go off without a bloody hitch, on the Hellmouth no less?"

Ethan nodded. "He's right. Nothing ever goes off without some major catastrophe. It's part of what I love about being here."

Giles glared at him over the rim of his glasses.

"Poor Xander," Buffy moaned, walking over to Angel and wrapping her arms around his waist. "There's nothing harder than watching someone you love walk away from you."

Angel kissed the top of her head, then drew her left hand from behind his back and placed a fervent kiss on her engagement ring.

=====

The doorbell rang nearly an hour later.

Angel answered, unsurprised when he saw his partners standing in front of him. He leaned down and kissed Cordelia's smooth cheek, and lifted Gabriel out of Doyle's arms. The little boy squealed with glee, throwing his arms around his uncle's neck.

"How is she?" Cordelia asked as they walked into the living room.

Giles looked up from a dusty tome. "Whatever's wrong with her, we can't get it to stop."

Buffy had been sitting with Willow, but at the sound of the doorbell, she came downstairs. She greeted Doyle and Gabriel with hugs and kisses, and latched onto Cordelia's hand. "Come on, I have to talk to you."

With a glance over her shoulder directed at Angel, Cordelia followed Buffy out of the room. Moments later, she sat down, stunned, at Buffy's news. "So you're telling me that Anya's a demon again, and she's not going to marry Xander."

"Yup."

"Oh, God. Is Xander okay?"

"I don't know. I think he's on the balcony. He sat with Willow for a while, but then I guess he needed some quiet time." Buffy's eyes were shadowed with concern for both Willow and Xander.

"Have we talked to Anya?"

"No, I haven't seen her since yesterday. Xander seems to think the whole thing went down today."

"Someone should talk to Anya."

"Why, so she can try to kill us with her spiffy demon powers?"

Cordelia frowned at Buffy. "You know as well as I do that Anya has genuinely changed, for the better. I believe she really cares about Xander...and for this to happen...well, it's out of her control."

"What are we going to do about him?"

"I'm going to go talk to him. Maybe I can get him to open up."

"Failing that, maybe you can harass it out of him."

Cordelia rolled her eyes.

=====

"So. Yet another woman has dumped your sorry ass."

Xander jerked his head up at the sound of his ex-girlfriend's voice. Cordelia had her arms crossed in front of her chest, and she was staring at him, one perfectly groomed eyebrow arched.

"Because my misery wasn't complete..." he muttered, covering his face with his hands.

She stepped forward, touching his hands. "Are you all right, Xander?" She sounded concerned.

He didn't think he would ever get used to the new maternal Cordelia. It was just...freaky. "I'm fine. Except for the part that wants to die."

She crouched in front of him, placing her hands on his knees. "Xander, look at me."

Mulishly, he shook his head.

"Xander LaVelle Harris," she said in her sternest 'mom' voice, "Look at me right this instant."

Startled, he looked at her. "Yes, Mom?" he drawled.

Her eyes searched his, and her heart broke a little for the pain she saw written there. "It's okay to cry, Xander. It's okay to let it out."

"What good would that do? She's still gone."

Cordelia rubbed his thigh soothingly. "It might make that ache in your chest let up a little."

His forehead wrinkled. "How do you know...?"

"You don't think everything between me and Doyle was hearts and flowers from the start, do you? It took a lot of work to get us to where we are today. A lot of work, and a lot of that crushing chest pain you're experiencing right now."

He was silent for a long time, and Cordelia was beginning to doubt he was going to let her in when he spoke in a raw whisper. "I miss her so much. I know it's only been like three hours...but I... The thought of going home and her not being there...I don't know if I can."

Cordelia shrugged. "Then don't. Stay here. Buffy's not going to kick you out."

"Dead Boy might."

"Angel tolerates you out of deep abiding love for Buffy. Besides, none of us are going anywhere until we figure out what's the what with Willow."

Xander wrapped his arms around her, drawing her into his lap. "Are you sure I can't convince you to leave Demon Lite in there and come and live in sin with me?"

Cordelia smiled brightly, running her hands through Xander's hair. "You don't want a fat married woman."

He looked down, nearly burying his nose in her cleavage. "Cordy, if you're too fat, then Bill Gates has too much money." He leered at her, waggling his eyebrows. "And since there can never be such a thing as too much money..."

"Xander? Those had better be purely friendly hands you're layin' on my wife there. Otherwise, I'll have to rip them off you and shove them up your arse. Surely you understand." Doyle's face was serious, but the twinkle in his eyes gave him away.

Cordelia shook her head. "I can't leave you alone for even ten minutes."

Doyle shrugged. "I got lonely.

Xander reached up and gave Cordelia a quick kiss on the lips, then shoved her into her husband's waiting arms. "Thanks for the pep talk."

She winked at him. "Anytime."

=====

"Crazed pre-wedding research party?"

At the sound of Oz's voice, everyone looked up from their work.

"Oz!" Giles exclaimed, getting up and walking over to the smaller man. "You're here!"

"That I am."

"Good. Now maybe the wolf can fix the witch."

"Fix the witch?" Oz's calm demeanor vanished as he looked at Spike. "Is something wrong with Will?"

"Is that you, Oz?" Buffy called from upstairs.

"Yeah, I'm here, Buff, what's going on?"

"Get up here."

With a puzzled look at Giles, Oz bounded up the stairs.

=====

"Invitations favors hell minions terror chaos magick lace rentals tickets honeymoon chains barking..."

"Oh, baby..." Oz's face crumpled as he saw his bride-to-be in her trancelike state. "How long has she been like this?"

Buffy touched his arm. "Amy called me at work a few hours ago. She's been babbling since this morning. Plus, Xander's downstairs, Anya got her powers back and left him."

Startled, Oz looked at Buffy. "I was gone for two days. Two days, and this happened?"

"We've tried everything, Oz. Both Ethan and Amy tried to cast spells, but they didn't work. Giles and Spike haven't found anything useful in any of the books. Cordelia and Xander both were here talking to her, and she didn't even realize we were here."

As Buffy spoke, Oz crept towards Willow. She stared straight ahead, as though she could see through him. He felt dread rise in his heart. Leaning forward, he pressed a hard kiss to her lips. "We'll find a way to stop this, baby, I promise."

Turning around, he walked to the door with Buffy. "What can--"

"Stop what, Oz?"

At the sound of Willow's voice, both Oz and Buffy whirled around.

"WILLOW!" Buffy exclaimed, rushing over to her friend. "You're all right!"

"Of course I'm all right. Why wouldn't I be?"

Oz grinned at Buffy. "No reason, Will. No reason at all."

=====

Two days later, everyone was assembled in an orchard on the outskirts of Sunnydale. In deference to the undead in their group, the wedding was held at night. Portable lighting illuminated the area.

The guests were seated, and the bridal party, minus Xander and Anya, was clustered around the altar. Willow was trying hard to be calm, but Buffy could see the redhead trembling from excitement. Buffy was Willow's maid of honor, with the periwinkle dress to prove it. Cordelia and Amy also stood up with them, decked out in more of the same fabric.

Oz was, as usual, the personification of calm. His best man, Devon, was nervous enough for the both of them. Giles and Angel, as the groomsmen, were trying to project calming thoughts onto the singer, but he looked like he was going to pass out at any moment.

Maggie, the head of Willow's coven, smiled warmly at them, and opened her mouth to begin the ceremony, when a loud shout silenced her.

"STOP!"

At the sound of the shout, everyone turned to look back.

Anya was running up the aisle made by folding chairs in her wedding dress, something clutched in her hand. Buffy gasped, Willow's eyes misted over, and Cordelia just smiled her usual 'I'm so right it hurts' smile.

Xander stood up from his chair, a dazed look on his face.

"Hang on," Anya yelled as she hurried towards him, "We're not ready yet."

Everyone was silent when Anya reached Xander. They stared at each other for a moment, then Anya spoke. "Do you love me?"

"Anya, what is going --"

"--Answer me. Do you love me? Will you love me when I'm old and ugly?"

"Anya, this is --"

"--Please, Xander. I need to know."

He closed his eyes for the space of a few heartbeats. When he opened them again, they were suspiciously moist. "I love you. No matter what."

Huge, crystalline tears fell from Anya's eyes, rolling down her cheeks to land on her white dress. She held out her hand. "Then break it."

"Break what?" he asked as he looked down.

She held her power center in the palm of her hand.

He jerked his head back up. "That's your power center. If I break that..."

"If you break it, I lose my power. For good. I stay mortal."

"But your power..."

"I don't want my power. I want you. I love you, Xander."

Everyone gasped.

Shaking his head, he reached out to caress her cheek. "It's a part of you. Remember how much you missed it when it was gone?"

"I would miss you more."

The words hung in the air as Xander gaped at her. She took his right hand in her left, opened his clenched fist, and laid the crystal on his palm. "Break it, Xander. Set me free."

Xander looked at the power center, then back at Anya. "You're sure about this?"

"Positive."

With a swift move, he slammed the crystal into the ground, shattering it into a million glittering shards.

At that moment, Anyanka was banished permanently, and Anya smiled as she held out her now empty hand. Xander took it, giving it a quick kiss, and led her up to where Willow and Oz already stood. Everyone taking place in the ceremony shuffled around, making room for the other couple. Maggie winked at Anya as she began the ceremony. "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today..."

At the end of the ritual, fireworks erupted out of thin air. The entire wedding party turned around and looked at Ethan. The sorcerer shrugged. "A small token of my congratulations?"

=====

Later, at the reception, Oz gathered the gang together. "Guys, take a moment. The wedding went off. Without any hitches."

Willow and Anya stared at him.

"Okay, with only some hysteria caused by missage of me, and some wayward demon powers. But that's it. No attacking vampires, or ghouls, or zombies, or anything."

"They're saving all that for Buffy's wedding," Xander cracked. "That's when all the bad stuff's gonna happen."

Buffy gasped loudly, and Angel smacked Xander upside the head.

Xander looked green all of a sudden. "I just jinxed it, didn't I?"

"YES!!!!" everyone chorused, glaring at him.

"Oh, boy."

THE END

Next up, Buffy and Angel get hitched. In Ireland. It's Big Fun for the whole gang.