My Esteemed Evil Twin issued a little challenge on impure-l to write a fic consisting entirely of dialogue.

Never let it be said I ever ignored a challenge.

TITLE: Xander's Wet Dream
AUTHOR: Lex
EMAIL: lex@bitchenvy.com
RATING: R for adult innuendo
SYNOPSIS: Xander calls up Faith in the middle of the night for a little...conversation. But Faith's not alone.
DISCLAIMER: Not mine. Borrowing. Will return. Promise.

<ring>

<ring>

<ring>

"'lo?"

"So,what are you wearing?"

"Xander, what do you *want*?"

"Buffy?"

"Xander."

"_Buffy?_"

"Xander."

"Buf--"

"--WHAT, Xander, what do you want?"

"I, uh, I wanted to talk to, uh, Faith, but I guess I dialed the wrong Slayer. Uh, sorry."

"No, no, Faith's here, hold on."

<rustle>

"Whaaaa--?"

"Baby, it's Xander. He wants to talk to you."

"Xander? What the fuck does he want at this hour?"

"You think *I* know?"

<rustle>

"Yeah."

"Faith?"

"Xander?"

"Hey, I didn't know you and Buffy were having a sleepover. What is it, kind of like a Slayer's Night?"

"Something like that. Did you want something?"

"I, uh, wanted to see, uh, if you were interested in a repeat of, uh, last week."

"Last week?"

"You know, when you...steered me around the curves?"

"Oh, that. No."

"That's gre -- No?"

"No, Xander. Not interested."

"But aren't you lonely?"

"No."

"Horny?"

"Actually, at the moment, yeah."

"Great! I'll drive over and we can -- "

" -- No."

"Why not?"

<moan>

"What was that?"

"Xander, go away now."

"But I want to help you!"

"Xander, at this very moment, Buffy has her head between my thighs. Believe me when I say we have all the help we need."

"..."

"Bye, Xander."

"Wait, wait!"

"WHAT!?!"

"Can I watch?"

<slam>

THE END