My Esteemed Evil Twin issued a little challenge on impure-l to write a fic consisting entirely of dialogue.

Never let it be said I ever ignored a challenge.

TITLE: Xander's Wet Dream
RATING: R for adult innuendo
SYNOPSIS: Xander calls up Faith in the middle of the night for a little...conversation. But Faith's not alone.
DISCLAIMER: Not mine. Borrowing. Will return. Promise.





"So,what are you wearing?"

"Xander, what do you *want*?"






"--WHAT, Xander, what do you want?"

"I, uh, I wanted to talk to, uh, Faith, but I guess I dialed the wrong Slayer. Uh, sorry."

"No, no, Faith's here, hold on."



"Baby, it's Xander. He wants to talk to you."

"Xander? What the fuck does he want at this hour?"

"You think *I* know?"





"Hey, I didn't know you and Buffy were having a sleepover. What is it, kind of like a Slayer's Night?"

"Something like that. Did you want something?"

"I, uh, wanted to see, uh, if you were interested in a repeat of, uh, last week."

"Last week?"

"You know, when you...steered me around the curves?"

"Oh, that. No."

"That's gre -- No?"

"No, Xander. Not interested."

"But aren't you lonely?"



"Actually, at the moment, yeah."

"Great! I'll drive over and we can -- "

" -- No."

"Why not?"


"What was that?"

"Xander, go away now."

"But I want to help you!"

"Xander, at this very moment, Buffy has her head between my thighs. Believe me when I say we have all the help we need."


"Bye, Xander."

"Wait, wait!"


"Can I watch?"